i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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