the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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