No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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