Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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