My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Shame - the story of my life.
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