great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
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And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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