KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
