Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
