Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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