People with herpes should wear stickers.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
