dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
