you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
