Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
