I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
