Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
