you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
