He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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