How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
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I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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