how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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