I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
