just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
