Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
