hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
