The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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