Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
