I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is Oprah even human
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
