Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
