U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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