defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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