Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize