He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We are two peas in an std pod
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
