I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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