I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
