I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
