she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
