they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I puked a lego.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
