I need to stop coming to work sober
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize