i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
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