Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
