so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
