When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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