Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
