Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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