Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
