I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
