did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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