Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
