Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
