I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
