those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
