Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
what day is it and did you see me today?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
