apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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