you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
