I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
