I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
