i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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