I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
