I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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