I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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