so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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