The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
