and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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