I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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