You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
