You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
