i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
