Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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