i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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