I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
