The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
