I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize