So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize