Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
